What do you bring to the table?

I'm easily distracted, especially when I'm working on a paper that's due in just over an hour. There's only so many times I can check CNN.com and my other usuals that I look at when I'm bored, so for a change I decided to see what was going on at CraigsList. I've only ever used to when we were searching for an apartment (until we enlisted the help of our good friends over at 'Perts) but it turns out that Craig's List has a lot to offer. It has this neat section called barter, which isn't quite like the bartering that the Pilgrim's did, if that's what you were thinking too.

Massage from 29yo athletic guy/strong hands for???
Looking to exchange my massage talents (have few years experience with Swedish, Deep Tissue) for other skills or things. This is NOT a monetary exchage!!!
If interested in exchanging, send me an email.
Thanks

48 Y/O woman non-smoker, non-drinker, no children, 1 cat, is in desperate need of a place to live. I have my own car. I'm starting my own business and seeking a regular job too but for right now I am out of money. My BF of two years is throwing me out on the street soon and I have no one who cares or that can help.
I'm out of options.
If you have a private place and need a housewife with all the perks but don't want a relationship please write me.
I can cook, clean, laundry, whatever, untill I can afford to pay you rent.